I got a basket of roses today. It was from my parents.
It seems to me all I have heard about lately are people that are hurting and people that are going through excruciating emotional and sometimes physical pain. I'm a 'why' kind of person. Especially when it comes to people suffering. I wonder why there are babies born into the world, never worrying about food and why some other babies born into the world hungry.
I like David and the book of Psalms. He was full of emotion! And he asked God questions. Sometimes they were really hard questions. God didn't always give him the answers but he did give comfort and peace.
I haven't had a lot of personal experience with death yet. Tuesday morning my world changed. A mom-to-be, I was secretly (some of you knew :)) planning my baby's future when God decided that our time would be short with our little baby. Time seemed to fly and stand still at the same time.
It's hard to explain what you feel like when you lose a baby you have never met. However, the more women I talk to the more I find that this is a heartache a lot of you have been through. It's a very silent pain, you feel isolated and hurt.
Why did God let this happen?
I don't know.
But what I do know is:
God is still good. (Even when my reactions and attitudes are not)
God has a plan and it is good. (Even though we can't see it now and might not on this side of eternity)
God is faithful. (He will not let us be crushed by this)
God loves me. And he loves our baby, who has now never had to know any heartache of this broken world and is in the presence of the Almighty.
I miss our baby. I will continue to miss my little one as we mark the milestones that should have been in pregnancy.
Jay and I covet your prayers as we heal. And we know that God has a good plan for us and that it is to give us hope and a future. We trust that and in Him.
I will watch the rose bush my parents gave us grow and think of the little one in heaven who has no suffering, pain or tears.